We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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