i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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