I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
