the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
