the new term for farting is butt boxing.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i just made my gag reflex go away.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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