She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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