Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
