Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
