Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
