my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
