god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
