yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
My vagina is officially offended.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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