and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
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Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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