Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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