So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
