Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
