ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
