That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
