Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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