The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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