upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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