yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
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I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life