I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
These 23 People Had Coworkers From Hell
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.