ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.