Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you