therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment