Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.