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im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
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