hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?