my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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