all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?