She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
