don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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