so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
