I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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