Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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