Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
