Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize