I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
