I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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