I can tuck mytits in my pants
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
