we made out on top of his cat.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
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