he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
