If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
