Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
My ATM looks so different sober.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Randomize
