I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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