Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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