apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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