I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I need a burrito and a hug.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
