i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Randomize
