Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I want her autograph on my taint
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
