There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
my vag is so smooth its legendary
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
sex in a hospital.. check
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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