Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
