before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
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They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
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Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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