i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
