...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
