My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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