I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
