we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
