why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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