i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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