I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
