Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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