I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
