I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
