He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
