Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Randomize
