My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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