i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
She bit a glass in half.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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