mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
