Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
