Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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